Grants, Grants and More Grants

This is so my life right now...filling out grant applications. We need to be ready to go at a moment's notice.

Praying for an expedite!

This week, we should find out if the current part of our adoption process will be expedited. Our dossier is in China and our wonderful agency is requesting a faster process due to Josie's medical needs. We know her long term health and life expectancy requires quick medical intervention here, but expediting requires the person deciding it to agree with that. There was a time Josie had frequent medical care and surgeries but lately the information has been harder to obtain. These tumors grow without chemotherapy and our local experts are urging us to expedite. So we pray that the people deciding these things will agree with the medical opinions we are presenting to them.

Would you pray for Josie as she waits? And pray for this process to be expedited for her?

We were so blessed to meet our matching grant and also to receive another grant recently. That has allowed our agency fees to be paid on time and our adoption to move forward. Praising God for this need being met!

There is still a financial need to be met to complete our adoption. As we learn how soon we can travel for Josie, we want to make sure we are prepared. Please come back to the blog to find out about our fundraisers and we also humbly accept donations through our Reece's Rainbow account, which is a tax deductible way to give.

The most powerful word

Sharing a post from last year that still applies to my life today....


Afua doesn't walk....yet

Afua isn't communicating with signs....yet

Afua is not drinking from a cup....yet

I find myself  using these phrases at doctor's appointments, school meetings, discussions with friends or relatives. I can't seem to say the first part, without adding the word yet. I wonder if my yet is viewed as a mom who is unhappy with the way things are or if they will truly understand my feelings behind using the word yet. 

 Right now, the word "yet" gives us power to hope for Afua's future. It gives us permission to say that we know more miracles are around the corner. That the hours she works so hard in therapy each week are for a purpose. And we hope that she will get to experience new things as a result of that hard work. 

Yet, if nothing changes, if nothing improves, if life tomorrow is exactly as the days before, she is loved just the same. Her performance is not a measure of her worth. 

So I guess this is really the heart of parenting a child with special needs. We live in the moment, we hope for the future and we constantly worry that our moments with our kids are cut short. Balancing all these feelings is 90% of my journey.

Orphanage

Oh, how I hate the word orphanage.  I hate what they do to children. I often say "children belong in families, not orphanages" and it's more than just a cliche to me.

Raising a child who lived in an institution, an orphanage, lets you in on the devastating truth about what that life does to a child. The effects are long lasting and they are heart breaking. That is why I advocate for children and want orphanages emptied out.

When Afua first joined our family, I could place her in the middle of a large room and she would only move the area equivalent to her crib. She didn't know a world larger  than that existed. She didn't know about toys, music, about tickles or a brother's love. After a short amount of time, she was tired and wanted to be alone.

discovering toys

She wouldn't cry, because in an institution crying does not amount to positive attention, only punishment. Institutionalized children feel little pain, they can shut off their world to block out feelings and they stop experiencing reality. Some rock, some bang their heads, some cause harm to their bodies. That is familiar and that brings comfort. Mother's arms feel scary and unknown. 

It's hard to describe the orphanage experience without exposing what my children went through. And it's just as hard to think other children are living that reality every day.  My children are brave, resilient survivors of a life that no child should endure.

This is why I advocate. Because I went, I saw and I experienced the after effects with my children. I know more children need families. The ones who are hidden in cribs, need voices to share that they exist.Because a picture of a child that is malnourished, neglected, disabled is hard to see. And it's sometimes scary to say "yes" to the unknowns that it brings. But on the other side, a family can be a game changer.

And this can be the result:

experiencing childhood joys

What do the orphans really need?

The word orphan can be so emotionally charged. A child growing up without the safety net of a family, alone, hungry, vulnerable. Isn't that what we think when we hear the word? Orphan is also an immigration term that is used in international adoption. Orphan status is achieved even if a child has a living parent, but that parent is unable to care for them. And what about our foster care? These children are orphaned into a government system but may have a biological family unable to care for them safely. But there is a family nonetheless.

So what do the orphans (or vulnerable children)  really need from us? (Us meaning adoptive parents, potential adoptive parents, concerned advocates or those involved in the care of these vulnerable children). 

1. Families who will CARE for them

Adoptive families are needed. Desperately. They are needed in foster care to provide a safe place for a time. They are needed in domestic adoption and international adoption. For children, who have no other option, adoption is a gateway to safety, support, stability and love. Family is an important social unit that can't be replaced by institutions. So families are needed to step up and open their hearts and homes. 

Daddy's girl since day 1

2. Adoptive parents who will FIGHT for them.

Adoption starts with loss and trauma. Children need well trained, well educated parents who will research every possible resource and counseling and treatment to journey with their child toward healing. The best thing I did was to imagine the absolute worst that could happen (sexual abuse, violence, attachment problems, medical conditions..) and what I would do in each situation. Our social worker suggested that and I allowed my thoughts to "go there". For a moment, I took off my rose colored glasses and stopped skipping through the tulips. What would it be like living with a child that hated me? That had behaviors that would upset our other children? We have had unexpected bumps on the road and it's not always because of children who have experienced trauma. I haven't always attached properly and I haven't always used the right parenting techniques. It's not about being perfect, it's about endurance.It's about reaching for resources and not giving up. Is every adoption a perfect match? No. but vulnerable children need parents who will ensure that they will do whatever is needed. Until.

I am thankful he allowed me into his heart. We have learned to trust together.

3.  Adults who place the child's best interest first.

Before we even get to the point of adoption, a child needs a set of professionals to determine what they need, usually a representative in their home country (orphanage director, social worker etc) and an entity here in the US. Some children need temporary help when a family is going through a crisis. Some children need an adult to find their families and reunify them. Some can be adopted within their own country. Some (hopefully the smallest possible number) will need international adoption. Adoption agencies exist for the sake of adoption, which is not a bad thing. But are they really the most unbiased way to decide what is best for a child? If I go to a surgeon, more than likely they will recommend surgery. It is what they do and what their focus is. Will they always suggest surgery? No, but often they will. Same with the agencies. They see the beauty of adoption, the financial benefit of adoption and they rarely have anything else to offer. Family preservation is an afterthought or a small program to give back to the country they work with.So vulnerable children need someone who can examine their situation without any financial benefit if the child is placed. The best way to care for orphans is to prevent a child from becoming one.  Domestically, expectant mother need the same support through counseling or social services before an agency or adoption attorney is in the picture. 

4. Adoptive parents who are willing to WALK AWAY.

In our early days of adoption, we said a lot of NOs. Agencies that didn't feel right, children that didn't seem to need adoption, countries that had high corruption. But once we found OUR children (I was foolish to even use that term so early in the process), I don't know if I could have walked away. And I have watched families complete adoptions and live with lies. And figuring out the aftermath of raising children who had parents but maybe few resources. Many wish they could have been there before the family's tragedy began, but most felt hopeless to do anything but complete the adoption.Part of adoption is walking away, or supporting a child in a different way that originally thought. Or refusing to participate in practices that creates orphans. 

I have spent time with birth mothers/first mothers in Ghana. Not all understand what happened to their children. Not all understand the permanency of adoption. Some are asking about their children and expecting them to return. Those conversations haunt me. Mothers are hurting and missing their children while we think we are adopting orphans. My brain doesn't reconcile that. At all.

5. People who will ADVOCATE for them

There are many children that need families. Maybe not 152 million as often mentioned, but there are too many. Children hidden in cribs in Eastern Europe. Children with medical needs all around the world. Children abandoned due to cultural beliefs. Children in foster care and in residential facilities in our home states. They exist, they need an army of people searching for families for them. To make the invisible children visible. Advocacy is just as important and noble as adoption itself. Advocacy should be on every adoptive parent's mind long after their OWN children have joined their family. 

I visited the orphanages, I saw it with my own eyes. The sounds, sights and smells of 30 children with special needs living in one small room never leave me. I should do a better job in telling their stories. They need all of us to do a better job.

There are no orphans in this picture. There are beloved sons and daughters because they have a family that loves them. Forever.

This is why I believe in adoption. Because some children despite all efforts, can't stay in their home countries. They need a family or they wouldn't survive. There were people who investigated Afua's background, others advocated for her, some gave financially and we adopted. No one thing was more important than another. But I must say, I get the best part: I get to be her mom. 

The sibling of a child who has special needs

We adopted Afua 14 months ago and she is our first child with a visible disability. I often think how our life has changed in the last year, the good and the challenging. Medical equipment, considering wheelchair accessibility of various places, appointments and surgeries have all become a frequent part of our every day life. Our four older kids have gone through the changes along with us and I have worried if they would resent their little sister or our decision to adopt her.

Jake is my compassionate kid and it was no surprise that he became a caring big brother to Afua. Her smile is all he needs to be happy.They have developed a special bond.

Sometimes people assume he is the child most affected by our adoptions. After all, he was the baby of the family and now he finds himself as the second oldest out of 5. Sure, I can't be a room mom at school or come to every class party. I may be at therapy appointments or hospital more than he likes. There are sacrifices that all of us have made to make room for more children in our family. It happens in biological families too as a new baby arrives. But the changes in Jake over the last year have been so evident and I think he is growing into a wonderful young man.

Afua's bus comes first each morning and he comes outside to spend time with her. They play basketball together (she passes the ball and he scores but he always high fives her for a great assist). Last year, when they were in the same school building, he would stop and give her a hug and kiss several times a day. He doesn't have to do any of this, but this is how he wants to spend his time.

I grew up with a younger brother who was hospitalized for weeks at a time. I know how that breaks the familiar family routine, causes parents to be preoccupied and everyone to be worried. I also know the other side, the side that shaped me to choose a helping profession, to care about the people who have a disability, who are different and who are the outcast. I learned to be patient with people who take longer to communicate and I knew the value of friendships with everyone. Jake has learned that at the age of 9. Many adults have not.

After his first day of school this year, Jake excitedly told me that his classroom is across the hall from the "children who are like my sister" (his words). He spent his recess with two students who use wheelchairs and told them he has a sister who uses a wheelchair too. No hesitation, just pure acceptance.  While he has always been a compassionate child, he now knew how to interact with a non-verbal peer and undoubtedly he is teaching his classmates about that too.

Having a child who has a disability can be seen as a tragedy and a burden.  Those unfamiliar with our life can feel sorry for Jake (or our other children). They may feel sorry for Afua because of all that she's been through. But in their pity, they fail to see the beautiful and there is so much beautiful. There is nothing more tender than a little boy's sweet good morning song to his sister. Or the way her face lights up as she sees him returning from school. And while there is so much hard and sad and worry there is the other side too. A little boy who is learning about life right in our home. And his sister, who the world thinks can't contribute much, is the ultimate teacher to all of us.

The surgery that almost wasn't

We are just a couple of days away from Afua's cochlear implant surgery. The last several months have been surgery and sedation free. Our days have been filled with therapies and new equipment, but relatively speaking we have enjoyed a normal, even lazy summer. Now it's time to switch gears as we know the next week will be different in a nervous/exciting way.

We stayed home last Sunday to avoid germs at church and watched a live streaming of the service.

Last week, we had a call that started a bit of craziness. Our Dr wanted to change the surgery date to accommodate another emergency procedure. I tried to come up with a plan how I could reschedule a bunch of appointments, FMLA leave for hubby, childcare etc. Ultimately it was not needed but boy did it get me worried.

Then, last Friday, I received another phone call: our insurance denied the surgery at the last minute after finding a convenient loophole in our policy. I cried....and that's all I can say about that nicely. It was devastating. Crushing. Awful. Terrible. Insurance runs so much of our life already. They decide what equipment we can have, what doctors we see, what medications we use. They tell us how many therapy sessions she needs without ever having met her. And now they were going to tell us Afua could not have a chance of hearing? Ugh. Good thing Eric was home and he went into "hero mode" and I could curl up on our couch and cry. 

Jake and Afua watching tv and holding hands...inside her new ballpit:)

The weekend had us praying for a favorable outcome. Our last hope was our secondary insurance policy that normally just helps us with co-pays and such. We requested that they would take the role of our primary insurance. Within a day (today), they agreed to cover the procedure, the implant and the follow up care!!! An answered prayer for sure.

At the county fair: peekaboo with a chicken

Many children are hearing impaired and they do not wish to have a cochlear implant. Sign language is a wonderful communication method and as you can watch in this Nick News documentary, different families arrive at different decisions. Some children wish to have it but the cost is prohibitive and that is sad for those who truly feel this option is for them.  Afua NEEDS this. She can't sign effectively because  CP affects her hands. She can't use most other communication devices because they require a person to hear. She is so aware of the world around her, we see her make connections about our life all the time. So we are relieved we get to at least try giving her access to speech sounds and enhance her ability to communicate with us. Our expectations are realistic and cautiously we dream new dreams for her.

And....we got to meet Mandisa!!! She was so awesome with the kiddos.

Would you please pray for us this week as we prepare for surgery and after care? Specifically that she would be able to come home the same day and that she would have a smooth recovery? For Mommy and Daddy's hearts as handing our sweet girl to medical professionals is always a bit unnerving? For the siblings as they also are a bit anxious about all of this? Thank you friends!

Celebrating Afua

Yesterday was Afua's birthday and the first time this day has been celebrated properly.

Last year, I went to her orphanage and was initially denied my daily visit. It was raining and they deemed it too cold (it was over 70 degrees). I insisted that I wanted to at least wish her happy birthday and they finally have me 15 minutes to visit.

Snuggling with Lucy on her birthday last year. 

This year, I wanted the day to be about Afua. We did soap bubbles, she snuggled in the hammock and we played with new light up toys. She loves when the entire family is gathered around her so we all played with her and surrounded her with our presence and love.

She usually doesn't stay with one activity for long, but she was swinging in the hammock just feeling the breeze. 

Exploring the slip and slide.

Afua is progressing at a rapid pace, we see the sensory processing and integration happening so wonderfully. But most importantly, she is a family girl. She loves knowing her home base and who she can trust. Having experienced a long journey to attachment before, Afua is amazingly, securely attached early on. 

Happy Birthday sweet girl! You are the glue in our family, the one who makes sure we are ALL together. You are a blessing! 

A year ago

Edited to add: I have received emails asking if there were any ethical concerns with our adoption based on this day's events. To clarify, the US Embassy did not suspect that we submitted fraudulent documents. Ultimately all our documents were verified as authentic and we were closely involved in obtaining them. But there had been cases before us with falsified documents and that is why there is an increased concerns with certain adoption professionals. 

365 days ago, I was in Ghana waking up before the sunrise. It was the day of our visa exit interview and by all indications it should have been a day of celebration. Afua had her passport, we had jumped though all the right hoops and all we needed was her visa printed on the passport.

I approached her orphanage with my friend who drove me there. The staff was not in the office so we waited for our power of attorney (POA) to arrive. Once he arrived, he called for someone to get Afua dressed. I had to fill out paperwork promising to bring her back and they sent an auntie with us (as a security guard I guess). I was running out of grace with the orphanage and the way they treated me, but I put on a happy face and scooped my girl up.

Afua sitting with our dear friend

We got to the US Embassy gate and the line wrapped around the building. Along with hearing adoptive cases, this day they also had visa interviews for Ghanaians hoping to come to the US for various reasons. The problem was that I was holding a 30 lb sick child who couldn't as much as hold her head up and the line was going to be looooong. 

I was told I could give money to the security guard to use his chair but I gave my POA a glance that indicated that I would rather stand than pay a bribe. Sorry, the Finnish stubborn side of me rose up as I saw a healthy security guard sit in his plastic chair as he watched me carry and hold a sick girl right next to him....grace...grace...I kept telling myself that over and over again.

Finally another security guard approached me and asked me why I was there. He let me in the Embassy so we could sit. My arms were numb and shaking and I'm not sure how much longer I could have held her. 

Once inside, we dropped off documents at the window for our visa exit interview. I was not aware but our POA submitted a document I had not seen before which would prove to cause a lot of confusion for our case.

As we sat and waited, Afua became increasingly distressed. The auntie sent by the orphanage couldn't tell me anything as she didn't usually care for her. Before long, Afua vomited all over herself, my dress and the chair next to us. The crowded sitting room cleared around us, no one wanted to ruin their clothes:) I don't blame them.

Finally I heard my name called. By the time I approached the window, my POA was already there. They seemed to have a spirited discussion about a previous case and finally the attention turned to me and Afua.

The embassy wanted to verify all documents in our case as there had been fraudulent documents presented previously. Also, the one document our POA submitted had a different age for Afua which raised additional concerns. It was this inattention to detail that was now causing a wait in our case. 

I was devastated to hear that we were not getting a visa that day but we would have to wait until the embassy would call me with their decision. They knew Afua was sick (they could see it as she seized in front of them) and it seemed they would proceed quickly.

365 days ago was a day that ended in many tears. Friends called, texted and messaged encouraging words and truths. Eric and I made long term plans for me to stay in Ghana. And once again, I returned my girl to the orphanage where she would lay in her crib. 

But the story doesn't end here...however devastating that day was, there was a happy ending. You can read about our last days in Ghana HERE...

June 20, 2013

A year ago today, I woke up in Ghana after traveling for 24 hours and arriving late in the evening at my guest house. It was a day full of hope as I was being reunited with Afua. The plan was to meet with the Director of Social Welfare and request custody so I could take Afua to the hospital and begin to bond with her. Legally she had been our daughter for 6 months under Ghana law but as she was in a government facility they determined when I could take custody. 

Her head was freshly shaved, she smelled like Shea butter and she was much taller than when I last saw her 7 months earlier. They definitely made a better effort to clean her than the first time I met her. Her body was weak with some spasticity in her feet and elbows. She would sit up on my lap briefly and then wanted to lay down. She studied my face as to determine who I was and why she was allowed outside for a visit.

My request for custody was a heated meeting. I was firm but polite, I had a reasonable answer to every question but ultimately I was told she was better off at the orphanage until I could take her home. My heart sank as I thought about visiting her daily and having to leave her at the orphanage. Children do not belong in cribs, they belong in their mothers arms. 

I then checked in with our adoption team to see the progress made on her paperwork. Everything seemed to be moving a lot faster now that I was here so there was positive news about that. I was clear that I would not pay any bribes and it was understood by everyone helping us. While I wanted Afua home quickly, it would have to be done with clean hands. 

gait trainer

We have had a prescription for a gait trainer for some time now. We have submitted it to insurance and we are in the process of obtaining one knowing it will be months before anything happens. Our home equipment provider lost the fax, it was re-faxed, then they needed more info from me, then we needed doctor's stuff and then came the first denial. It's just one item on a list of 10 things and we end in this endless loop waiting. I know I've written about it before, but it just keeps happening.

The sad thing was that Afua was ready. So ready and loves to stand upright. They got her a gait trainer at school but it is not quite perfect. But she loves it and wants to be up.

Out of the blue, I got a picture and a message from a friend who works with children with similar conditions as Afua. She asked if we could use a gait trainer for her as they had one that wasn't currently used. Yes!!! And a few days later we made a trip to try it out.

I am constantly amazed how all of Afua's needs are provided for. Each and every need is met so specifically and it is such a blessing.

We took the gait trainer for a trial walk in our drive way and we will have a great summer! We can keep it until our insurance finally approves one, or Afua's needs change.

Go Afua!!!

Birth Mother/First Mother's Day

Today is a day dedicated to first mothers  everywhere. We honor the women who chose life knowing they would not parent their children or who for variety of circumstances no longer parent their children.

Whenever Kofi, Joy or Afua accomplish something I think of their first families. I don't take the responsibility of parenting lightly and I think about their first mothers often. I wish they would all know how loved these children are and how precious they are to us. 

Like when Afua took her first steps with her gait trainer, I wondered if her mother knew this was possible. For the sick malnourished babe to get strong enough to stand and take steps? I wonder if Afua's spunky personality is like hers and who she resembles in her first family. We will not know these things (most likely) but it doesn't stop me from wondering.

I don't pretend know the sacrifice of any birth mother. I don't know the feelings of not knowing if your child is dead or alive, in an orphanage or with a family. But I acknowledge it and it changes me as a mother. And I am a blessed woman who gets to tuck in 5 awesome children, kiss their boo boos and celebrate their victories. They are loved no matter how they joined our family. And maybe that is the best way to honor our first mothers. 

Sharing our story

Today, I share our story "I Took a Second Look" on the Full Plate blog. I love reading why people adopt a child with different abilities or a medical diagnosis. So honored to have our story there.  Join me at The Full Plate Blog

Frustrations of a SN Momma

I try to keep things positive. Most of the time. But oh my goodness, the world of parenting a child with special needs can really be so frustrating at times.

Insurance companies can determine what my daughter needs. Like a chair according to Mr Insurance (that cost $$$$thousands, but that's a whole 'nother rant) is not necessary, because she has a wheelchair (that they didn't purchase, someone gave it to us). Who cares if the wheelchair is always in our garage or at school with her, never inside our house for many reasons. Or a bodysuit that would support her core muscles and allow her to walk, is not needed. Because it's "experimental". Even though we have tried it at therapy for months and it makes a HUGE difference.


Buy a swing for a baby and it's $20. Buy a slightly bigger and stronger swing for a child with low muscle tone and it's hundreds of dollars, if not more.

Buy a trike for a toddler and it's $20. Buy it for a 4ish year old girl who needs additional supports and it's $2500.

I get that equipment for Afua is expensive. But having her grow and develop without the opportunity to move will be much more expensive in the long run. 

Every mom who parents a child with medical needs or developmental delays just wants their child to have the best chance to grow and develop. We are mostly reasonable people who are not asking for the moon. We fill out form after form appealing to the common sense of someone in the insurance company, our therapists fight right with us filling out equal amounts of paperwork. We will not give up no matter how frustrating it gets (just in case my insurance company reads this, I WILL file every appeal possible)

When I reach the point of total frustration, this sweet face brings me right back. She is worth it. Every bit of the hassle.

Afua's First Resurrection Sunday (church and bubbles)

Who breaks the power of sin and darkness

Whose love is mighty and so much stronger

The King of Glory, the King above all kings

Who shakes the whole earth with holy thunder

And leaves us breathless in awe and wonder

The King of Glory, the King above all kings

This is amazing grace

This is unfailing love

That You would take my place

That You would bear my cross

You lay down Your life

That I would be set free

Oh, Jesus, I sing for

All that You've done for me

Who brings our chaos back into order

Who makes the orphan a son and daughter

The King of Glory, the King of Glory

Who rules the nations with truth and justice

Shines like the sun in all of its brilliance

The King of Glory, the King above all kings

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

Worthy is the King who conquered the grave

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

Worthy, worthy, worthy 

(Lyrics by Phil Wickham)

Orphan Care

After our family's 6 trips to Ghana and 5+ weeks living in the midst of orphan care last summer, I have had many thoughts swirling through my brain . For 8 months I have struggled to put these thoughts into a post.  I am a Momma to 3 children  who lived in institutions and the effects of that life is evident every day. Sometimes it's subtle and sometimes very prominent. So I've been thinking how to approach orphan care so that is sensitive to children, makes a lasting impact and reverses the cycle of poverty. Here are some things I am currently processing...

Moms and their babes in Ghana

1. Orphan care = Caring for Orphans

Sounds simplified, but this is where most of us start, definitely where I started. We become aware of millions of children who are labeled "orphans" and we feel compelled to help. Before jumping on a plane or adopting a child, my biggest hope is that we would educate ourselves  about orphans, who they are and what they need. In fact, most orphans have parents, grandparents or aunts/uncles who love them but can't for a variety of reasons to care of them. So the proper term for orphans may indeed be "vulnerable children" and there is so much we can do to keep these children connected to their families. That's the ultimate goal of orphan care, that there would be no more orphans. Some simple things we can do from the comfort of our home: pray, sponsor a child (email me and I can connect you with many wonderful organizations), support people who are working with vulnerable families and educate others about the condition of children here in the USA and overseas.

Emmi stocking shelves at the Fern House, a maternity home in Ghana. Helping vulnerable moms is definitely "orphan care"

2. Orphan Care does NOT  = adoption

Adoption is one part of orphan care and I do believe in the restoration and healing power of a loving family. I have 5 amazing children, 3 of them joined our family through adoption and I have parented them through their grief and healing. But too often adoption is seen as the first, best and only choice. In Ghana, 80-90% of children living in orphanages have families, they are not orphans the way we imagine them to be. So if you were to visit an orphanage there, don't assume adoption is the best  choice for most of them. Maybe the children need school and food sponsorship to return to their families? Maybe their mother needs a micro loan to get back on her feet? Maybe the parents/village need education on special needs or medical sponsorship so a child can live with their family? That's orphan care that makes more sense for most kids. And then, there are those children that need a new family, the 10-20% who have no other option ( and worldwide, 95% of orphans are over the age of 5, part of a sibling group and/or have moderate to severe special needs). Adoption makes sense for them, but please let a qualified social worker decide that for the child. Let every other alternative be sought for that child before they are uprooted. It's a painful journey for the child as well as the family and we must be ready to some day explain to that child that we explored every other option before adopting them.

Emmi washing baby equipment

3. How to visit orphanages in a child centered way

Over the summer, the orphanage that Afua lived in for the past 2 years would get a steady stream of tourist visitors. They would bring donations and then many times they asked to see the children. Their cameras were around their necks and sometimes they were allowed access to the children. Pictures were taken, kids received treats and hugs were exchanged. I spoke with many of these "orphan tourists" and they readily admitted a stop at an orphanage was a quick part of their trip similar to a visit to the Elmina slave castle, the art market and other tourist destinations in Ghana. Other orphanages allow week long visitors, repeat visitors and pop in visits as they know this is vital for their operations. This can be done in a child centered way or it can also be done in a way that leaves children with continual broken hearts. My biggest advice is to approach a visit in a way that allow the caregivers to maintain their role while supporting them behind the scenes. What are the tasks that are always in the back burner due to taking care of the children? Do the dishes, sweep the floors, help with inventory, fix anything you know how to fix or find your unique way to be an asset, not a tourist. If that is your focus, I am sure your time will be spent wisely.I would sometimes do a pop visit to an orphanage to deliver a package from a child's adoptive family. I consider that an honor and an exception to the rule. Each time, it helped the child know their family was coming and brighten their day. But more often, it's more meaningful to have a long term supportive role that lifts up those who do the daily work long after my trip is done.

Emmi's hard work was rewarded with advice from a special auntie. 

4. Long Term View

Orphan care should not be a one time mission trip or one Sunday topic at church. It's a lifelong commitment to helping children who are vulnerable. Why should we care? Because one day these children are the adults of the world and we want this planet to be filled with well adjusted, attached adults. Statistics show that children from institutions are more likely to commit crimes, become victims of human trafficking or repeat the cycle of poverty and orphan-hood. And just so we don't kid ourselves, institutions exist here in the United States as well. We don't call them orphanages, they are now residential care facilities. As those teens age out, we want to be sure they can enter society in a well adjusted manner and that each child has a family they can go to for support, advice and love.

Orphan care is so much more than adoption. There are thousands of children in Ghana who are vulnerable and only under 200 children children are adopted to the US each year. Adoption alone will not solve this issue.  Let's all find our piece of the puzzle and become part of the solution.