You have your hands full...and other things I don't want to hear

We had 3 blissful days cocooning at home. Afua was done with appointments, over stimulating environments and being poked at by various people. And so was I. We needed a few days off knowing that Friday was our MRI that she needed to be sedated for.

During those quiet days at home, I saw huge progress in our attachment, in her physical abilities and in the way she communicated with us. I got to know Afua better as we moved through the day together. She was all over her siblings, engaged in their playing and scooting around to keep up with them. Precious!

Friday, we got up early, before anyone else was up. We went through admissions and into radiology. As we spoke with various people (admissions, nurses, doctor, child life specialist) the question come out inevitably. Because of our skin colors not matching, people know we are related due to adoption or foster care. I tell our story briefly and it leads to more questions. How many other children do you have at home? Do you have any of you "own" children? Really, you have 5 children? Did you know she had a disability when you adopted her? Wow, how do you do it? And then....you MUST have your hands full. I can barely keep up with my (1,2,3) children. When this starts, I smile and take a deep breath....

Yes, our life is busy, but I think life is always busy. We fill our life with busy things no matter how many children we have. I was busy with 2 children, it was just a different kind of busy. Having 5 children is not crazy or impossible. It's sometimes loud, sometimes stretching all of us, but most of the time it's just a lot of love. And is it really a bad thing to have "full hands"?

Dear medical professionals, random deli counter acquaintances, soccer moms and anyone else that we encounter as we venture out: adoption is a fairly intentional way to add to our family. There is no "oops" adoption, it is pretty much all consuming work emotionally, physically, financially to have a child join our family. So please see it as a blessing as we do :)

Love, Me

My beautiful butterfly

Today, Joy headed back to preschool. She was so excited to pack her lunch, check and re-check her school supplies and she was ready to go well ahead of time. I couldn't help but reflect on the little girl who joined our family 18 months ago. She was quiet, withdrawn, shy and frightened. Today, she skipped from the car to school, hugged her old teachers and headed to her new classroom.

Joy is the perfect name for her. She is full of energy, full of 5 year old girl happiness. She is my beautiful butterfly.

2 weeks home

It will take some time to post my travel journal, 5 weeks worth of thoughts and adventures. But I wanted to give a quick glimpse into our 2 weeks home so far. I have friends who are considering adopting a child with medical needs and maybe this will help to understand how things are going for us.

Afua right before our first flight takes off

Afua was quite sick when she first arrived. Her orphanage did not give us any medications (not sure if she even was on any medications?) and they did not tell us what/how she eats. A child with low muscle tone has usually eating difficulties and we quickly discovered what NOT to do. It was scary to see her refuse to eat, begin to lose weight but we are thankful for quick action from our medical team.

At our final destination: Afua in her stroller and we escorted another little girl to her family

Day after we arrived, we saw our pediatrician. She was able to get us to see a neurologist the next day and he ordered an immediate EEG to monitor any seizure activity. This neurologist has spent time in Africa and was wonderful in giving us further recommendations. The EEG did not show seizures within the hour period of time, but we may go in for a full day monitoring later on.

Our first family picture

Our next stop was a swallow evaluation. We were unsure what food consistency was safe for Afua. We knew she coughed and gagged with certain consistencies. We learned that she cannot swallow liquids safely. We received a referral to a feeding clinic and a nutritionist so we can decide if a feeding tube is needed to supplement her nutritional needs.

After all these appointments the first few days, I was glad to have a day off and just spend time at home. Afua was on an antibiotic for awful ear infections that she had for a long time. Finally, she started eating and feeling better as her ear pain was going away. With that has come energy to play, explore and get to know her siblings.

Practicing reaching with Joy

We are thankful that we have stayed out of the hospital and figured everything out from home. We also have an MRI scheduled soon that will give us more insight into Afua's health. Our neurologist is not quite sure if she has cp or another kind of neurological condition that causes her to have low muscle tone.

Our family is doing well and all children are adjusting to many changes. Friends are bringing meals, which frees up time to bond and play. Afua's personality is emerging. She is quite determined, curious and she loves music. We are keeping her world as small as possible. But with 4 siblings and activities, she has been out of the house a bit more than we'd like. We did take a morning to enjoy nature and she loved listening to birds on the nature trails.

In the short 2 weeks that we have been home, the most overwhelming part has been paperwork. Our children's hospital makes it as painless as possible, but there are still assessment forms to fill out, applications for medicaid, phone call to arrange various appointments and each referral leads to another referral or five. There is so much we don't know about Afua and we are trying to move slowly with things that can wait. And with urgency the things that cannot. I am her advocate in getting the services started and also letting healthcare professionals know what can wait. Because she needs to have a day off at home. It's hard, but she is such a brave little girl with a joyous spirit. I am one blessed Momma.

Day 2

Travel Journal Day 2: we meet again Day (not sure if it's gotcha day yet)

I woke up after sleeping a blissful 9 hours. Haven't done that in ages. I got ready slowly and enjoyed the fact that I was able to do this. Otherwise I would start missing my 4 kids at home and one little one that is just 30 minutes away from me. 

I keep thinking about Afua and if she knows I am so close. That I am doing everything within my power to be with her and get to her. I wish I could talk about all of that (some day) but getting custody of her today is not guaranteed. We will have to ask, plead and maybe even beg to get her out today. 

I had a breakfast from home, asked for a cup of hot water from the hotel and made myself a Starbucks via, granola bar and applesauce gourmet meal. I need something familiar in my stomach with all this excitement going on. 

Around 10 am Patrick will be here and we will go to Afua's orphanage. 

Day 2 continued...(not gotcha day)

Patrick and I went to Afua's orphanage. We were instructed to sit and wait and she would be brought to us. It is a familiar routine they do and visitors are not allowed to observe any of the children's care areas. After some time, her auntie was carrying her, walked right passed us into the manageress to make sure she would approve of her appearance and then unceremoniously she handed Afua to me. I noticed that she had grown in the last 7 months, taller and heavier. She was smiling as I'm sure she knew she could have some one on one human interaction.

We went to sit outside under the shade of a tree and I observed that Afua had a lot of high muscle tone all over her body. Her ankle were stiff, her back was stiff and she kept arching her back uncomfortably. She was also suffering from a cold and we kept having to wipe her nose. While we were visiting, we received a call that we should go meet with the person who could give us custody of her. So we said goodbye and went to the office.

The meeting did not go well. The person in charge wanted to intimidate me, thinking because I was a woman I would not dare to speak to him. He also assumed I had never adopted or been to his country and he learned that neither was true very quickly :) He started with an immediate "no" but after I gave him all the reasons I should have custody of my legal child, he finally said he would think about it. He also stated I could visit Afua anytime I wanted for however long I wanted to bond with her. He asked that our power of attorney (POA) come and see him to discuss the custody issue. 

We returned to the orphanage and they didn't let me see her. So much for the bonding promised to me just a few minutes earlier. My heart sank. I really thought common sense would prevail, but it was not the case. In a culture where bribes are a common way to negotiate (and many Americans are willing to participate in great amounts), those who opt not to participate are at a disadvantage. I know that adoptive families have one focus: to get their children home. But there is a bigger picture that we all contribute into with our action, inaction and how we conduct business in general. My first full day back, and I had my fill of the current adoption climate here. 

After the conclusion of our adoption business and no chance of seeing Afua again, it was time to visit good friends. It was so good to see auntie Comfort, Mary, Lucy and Audrey. Lots of children were there too and I felt like it was the perfect place to end the day. Auntie Comfort was our lifeline since Erics last visit to Ghana as she would visit Afua weekly and it is because of those visits that she received better care. I don't know if I can ever express to her what those visits meant to me as we waited. I often wondered if the orphanage would let us know if Afua was sick or if something happened to her. We found out the hard way to they would not, and having Comforts presence there made a world of difference.

Precious, Lucy, Audrey and me

auntie Comfort

 



Overall, today was a bust. I felt like I need to fight for everything and this trip isn't going to be easy. The positive is that I am IN Ghana, close to my girl and surrounded by the most caring people who love my girl as much as I do.  

Travel Journal: Day 1

Travel Journal: Day 1 

Today was the long 24 hour journey to Ghana. I personally like the route that goes through Europe vs a long straight flight across the Atlantic. I had a layover in Chicago and then in Germany. as I left my husband and kids behind, I realized that I had a one way ticket and no idea when I would return. But I knew that I would be fighting to get Afua home and I would not leave without her. 

All flights were so smooth. Great weather to travel, no issues with boarding, layovers or connections. I had nice people sitting next to me that knew when to engage in conversation and when to let me sleep or watch a movie. As a mom of 4 (soon 5) kids, I am never alone. I prefer it that way, but it was nice to have some "me time". 

On the last flight, there were many  Ghanaians boarding and it made me feel like we were so close!!! Just 6 1/2 more hours and I would once again touch down in beautiful Ghana. 

I had a friend pick me up and he surprised me by bringing his wife and baby along. I have seen this baby in pictures only, so to see her in person was wonderful. She is just precious!!!! 

The hotel was new to me, so I checked the room out and it was perfect for the next few weeks. I took a quick shower and unpacked/sorted things. I checked emails and let everyone know I had arrived safely. 

I am in Ghana!!!!!

We are home!!!!

After 24 hours of traveling, we arrive home Wednesday afternoon. Our last 48 hours in Ghana were busy as we were getting her passport printed, taking it to the US Embassy for quick visa printing. Eric came to Ghana for 2 days and we were also trying to visit friends in that short time period. We also escorted another little girl home which made our trip fun and busy. I can't wait to share how all the events unfolded, but things couldn't have been more perfect!

Yesterday we started to look into Afua's health. Today, we have an EEG scheduled to investigate her seizures. Becoming a mom to a child with special needs feels a bit overwhelming. She has had 3 (ish) years of life without us and we are trying to catch up and provide her the medical care she didn't get in Ghana. Our pediatrician helped us in prioritizing her needs and it is making things easier. Our biggest focus is managing her seizures and completing a swallow study for eating. All the kids are handling all the changes very well and we are taking things a day at a time right now.

I am going to share my travel journal (34 days worth) as I find the time. I know some people would like to know what happened and why I ended up staying in Ghana longer than planned.

The fight continues

We are still working on all the paperwork to get Afua's visa printed. One more key document remains. I am still cautiously optimistic we could get it done this week. Today will determine much of that. We are enjoying sweet snuggles while we wait.