Thoughts on Special Needs adoption

Often when I describe our daughter, I don't mention any of her diagnoses or disabilities.  She is so much more than her CP or any other label that has been assigned to her. I think many of her delays are a result of orphanage environment, prior neglect and it will be wonderful to see how she progresses in our family. But I am acutely aware that her special needs are a big part of why she ended in an orphanage and why she waited so long for a family. And why no one in her extended family was able to care for her.

Adopting our daughter doesn't make us special. In working with many children with her diagnosis, I know these children to be funny, joyful, determined, smart and full of life! I know the challenges that are ahead of us, but I also know the beauty that exists in the midst of that. There is no doubt that we will be the blessed ones for having her join our family.

I may write about this in detail some day, but while we were visiting Afua, a taxi driver pulled up next to us and began to make small talk. I could tell he wanted to ask me something and once we got the pleasantries out of the way, he finally said it: "Why you pay for her? She doesn't talk or walk. Pay for a healthy one". It took all the grace I could extend to tell him how she is perfect to us, just as she is, just as she was created. We would give her every opportunity to improve in America, but if nothing worked, if there was no progress, we would love her. Because she is worth it. I held back tears because at that moment I realized how my little one was viewed by some in her own country. And how us foreign adoptive parents have probably have made it known that we will only adopt the healthy ones, the little ones. Because we are paying. Wow.

I know that Afua is a perfect addition to our family.a perfect daughter, sister, cousin, niece and granddaughter. I also know it doesn't make sense to people why we adopt any child, let alone a child who is going to need medical care and therapies. It doesn't make sense to people in her country and it doesn't make sense to some people here. But what they fail to see is that she is not her labels and she is not her past experiences. And in failing to see that, they fail to see the blessing that she is to us.

Linking up with Love that Max

Fundraising Update

I haven't taken the time to mention some great news. Last month, right before our trip, I received a wonderful phone call. We received a generous grant! It was the best news possible as I knew we would have a payment due to our agency very soon. It also eased the burden on fundraising as we finished the auction in October and had no big fundraisers planned due to our trip.

As of today, we still need to send $2500 to our agency for fees. We also continue to send a monthly foster care fee which is used for Afuas needs at her orphanage. I am amazed that we are so close to being fully funded! Of course we will have 2 more trips to West Africa (including Afuas one way ticket!!!) but those needs are not as urgent as the agency fees.

If you are considering making tax deductible donations before the end of the year, would you keep us in mind? We can accept donations of all amounts through Reeces Rainbow, a non-profit organization that advocates for orphans with special needs. You can leave your name so we can thank you, or anonymously, if that is your preferenc. The button on the right side column on this blog will take you there. We receive 100% of all donations.  Once our account states $4000 we are fully funded on agency fees.

I am so grateful for all the encouraging words, all prayers, all donations to take on our trip and all financial gifts. We have everything we need to provide for Afua once she joins our family, but getting her here on such short time frame is a challenge. It's humbling to ask for help or participation on fundraisers, but so many have done so gladly and went above and beyond in generosity. All for our girl who is so loved already.

The best news ever!!!

This morning, I got the best news ever!!! Little "A" is now officially our daughter!!! It was totally unexpected and highly unlikely to happen this year. But as adoptions are often unpredictable, this time the surprise was a pleasant one! A kind judge agreed that she would be perfect addition to our family.

I am now able to share her beautiful picture with the world and will do so in future blog posts as I share about our trip. But here is one of my favorites, it shows her sweetness that I saw all week.

Isn't she just sweet? Oh, how I miss my baby girl.

From My Travel Journal Day 5

Today would be our last day at the Fern House and last day with little "A". The reality of that was evident by the heaviness in my heart. But it would be a full day of experiences and I didn't want to miss out on anything by dreading our goodbyes.

Early in the morning, we made our familiar trek to the Fern House. Taxi to the church house and someone came with us to show the way. When we arrived, we were once again welcomed by little ones and two sick little baby boys. Both had been up all night with fever and congestion.

Emmi helped Mary wash baby equipment outside and she went out to get okra for lunch. I love how comfortable she was just jumping into various tasks and serve any way she could. I knew her to be a sweet girl, but the time we were able to spend together is priceless. I pray she stays this sweet through the rest of her teen years. Lucy and I talked more about the water situation so I could relay the information to others in the US. Once again, I was reminded that nothing is easy here (not in a complaining way, but every task just seems to have several steps and complications) and I needed to learn a lot about water tanks and how they are filled in order to grasp the situation.

Our time for goodbyes were coming and I didn't want to make it a sad occasion. The girls gave us a proper send off with an African prayer and before long we were on our way to the hotel. I hope they knew how much we appreciated their hospitality. And how much this place became a refuge to us after each visit to little "A"s orphanage. Some day I will put into words our experiences, but now I can't find them.

Next was our last visit with little "A". Ugh. She came to us sweet as ever. Smiling. Tired. Floppy. But smiling. I wanted to tell her a million things but I couldn't. I knew if I said a word I would begin to cry and there would be no end to it. She had become my daughter but as a parent we are never supposed to say goodbye. At an orphanage. It seemed so cruel. Yet that is exactly what I was about to do. This time our visit was monitored closely so it felt tense and very short. I gave her a long hug and then her caregiver took her from me. I held her hand and said "I will be back, I promise". I watched as she was carried away and I had no idea when I would see her sweet little face again.

From My Travel Journal Day 4

Today, I wanted to visit a nearby orphanage but I still had many things to accomplish for the Fern House. One of the big items was to figure out their current water situation and how it can be improved. I also hoped we would be able to visit "A" even though Sunday may not be the best day to go. Our driver would be coming after his church to get us, so at the last minute I decided to wait at the church, attend the service and visit until our driver would arrive.

I have never experienced a church service here, but I heard it was long and hot. Our hotel was out of water and nothing was open between the hotel or church. It was Sunday after all. I had asked Mary what time their service started, she said 9am for locals, 9:30 for obrunis, meaning it would begin at 10am. I love how time is such a different concept here. We would be told "I will be ther in the next hour" which could mean a wide range of minutes. Or "it's just 10 minutes away" and end up walking a half an hour. So of course I arrived at church around 9:20 and no one was there. Except the choir practicing so we listened and enjoyed sitting in the shade. Then Mary arrived and took us to get some bottled water. Woohoo!

The church service was so different yet so powerful. The first hour or so was spent in worship. Beautiful singing, lifted hands and such devotion was present in that building. I can't even imagine what circumstances people leave behind when they come into this church and what they need at that moment. Once worship was over, the songs became more upbeat, the tambourines came out and dancing was joyful and free. My moves were obviously "white" but I didn't want to miss out by feeling self conscious. Then our section started our dance around the aisles. Before I knew it, I was following the ladies trying to keep up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lucy taking video of me and I figured it would give many people laughs later on.

Precious

When the preaching began, at first they were using English. They asked me to stand and I was honored to be recognized as an "international" guest. Then they realized they had guests from different regions and switched to two different tribal languages. Amazingly, Comfort decided to translate the entire service for me, and I will cherish that gift and sacrifice for years to come. She could have soaked in the message herself and I would have been fine just listening. But she spent the time explaining things to me. What a gift she gave me.

The children's service was done so little ones started to came into the sanctuary. Precious climbed on my lap, which was the first time this cutie gave me the time of day. After 1pm she was getting antsy so we stepped outside as the service was ending. Emmi was outside eating a frozen yogurt so she had obviously enjoyed herself with the little ones.

Emmi and Mary went for snacks, Precious decided to join them

After the church you could see what Comfort means to her community. Person after person came to her with their needs and she counseled, prayed, gave and advised each and every person according to their needs. I don't know how she juggles all that is her life and does it with such compassion and care.

Soon enough our ride arrived. We were unable to visit "A" afterall. Disappointed but understandable. We decided to take a trip to the beach and have Emmi experience something different for the night. She rode a horse on the beach, we sat and enjoyed the ocean breeze and watched the entertainment. We dipped our toes into the warm water and got sand everywhere. By the time we returned, it was dark and we were done for the day. Another day of cultivating friendships, learning and enjoying was done. And how I missed my three at home....and the one I couldn't see today.

Emmi at the beach

From My Travel Journal:Day 3

So the plan for today is/was to go visit little "A", do some shopping at the Art Market and then take our donations to Fern House for sorting. Sounds like an easy list but once again I have to set aside my Americanized attitude of "hurry up and get moving" and get on Ghana time. In the morning, Emmi and I woke up to what we thought was a parade outside our hotel. We heard drums, trumpets, singing and lots of cars and trucks honking their horns. As it turns out it was a political rally and quite lively at that. I love the passion of people in West Africa and how everything turns into music and celebration. We opened our window and ultimately sat on a balcony and watched it. We knew our driver would not be there for a while as traffic was backed up.

We took a walk down the street once the traffic slowed down and got ourselves some ice cold Fanta and fried bread dough. I don't know how else to describe the treat, but it is dough that is fried in oil right where they sell it. I thought it was the most wonderful snack to start our day.

Once our ride showed up, I wanted to load our donations in his vehicle. For whatever reason he thought tomorrow would be better so the stuff stayed at our hotel room. We made our drive to see our precious girl, who was sweet as always, but very tired. She had a hard time sitting up and she kept drooling a lot. I feared she had more "seizures" (we saw some what appeared to be seizures the day before) and this was the after effect. But I took all the cuddles I could get and I snapped a picture which may become my all time favorite thus far. During these visits, I am falling in love with this wonderful little one and starting to feel like her Mom. But as wonderful as that sounds, the hard part is that I have to leave her behind every day. Visiting my child feels so unnatural but holding back my feelings feels even worse.

Next was shopping. I felt horrible leaving her in order to buy things, but we didn't have a choice. This place tells us how long we have to visit, and we are grateful for every minute. I found adorable dresses for my girls and dress shirts and footbal (soccer) jerseys for the boys. It was so nice to buy for my 3 girls now knowing little "A" s size. Even though I wasn't with her, I was able to get something for her.

We returned to the hotel and I called the Fern House to see if anyone was there. We took a taxi to the church and they had someone go with us, as it's still impossible for me to direct anyone how to get there. We loaded all our donations with us (stubborn American didn't want to wait until tomorrow, LOL) so we must have looked like crazies standing at the side of the road with a rubbermaid bin and bags full of baby clothes.

We sorted the donations, Emmi filled the shelves with things. We had such a lovely time discussing various things as we got some things done. While the shelves were fuller, Mary reminded me that 4 babies are expected to be born in the next month. The newborn clothes will definitely be needed. And as we stocked the shelves, we learned that women must bring all their own supplies to the hospital when giving birth. Even things like bleach and medical supplies. Can you imagine that? Another thing that Emmi and I wrote down to be thankful for.



We stayed late into the evening, talking and visiting. Emmi learned how to dance the Azonto dance and the little ones were helping her learn it. To me it's amazing how the little ones have the sense of rhythm and the ability to move their bodies. But Emmi was holding her own, and we had the best laughs.