So it's appropriate that I write this follow up. Long story short...we came home without a surgery.
To recap the day: After a sleepless night, we creatively entertained Afua in the morning to keep her from asking for food. Once we got to the hospital, she kept signing "eat" and "more" and I felt so bad.
She got her gown, all the pre-surgery check ups were done and then our OR nurse told us we would be 90 minutes late to start her surgery.
The previous surgery was taking much longer than expected. I told the nurse that we felt bad for the family who is experiencing complications (this was us during Afua's last ENT surgery) and we would walk the hallways and wait.
As I walked for the next hour, I felt a whisper: "for I know the plans I have for you,”
Afua was peaceful when we expected her to be screaming from hunger. Eric and I grabbed coffee and sat in the lobby for a while.
We returned to the surgery waiting area. It would be 30 min more waiting, the nurse explained. This time Eric stayed and waited upstairs to rest his knee and I continued to walk the hallways.
Another whisper: “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope".
I knew to keep walking this journey and not worry about the outcome. I don't get these whispers too often, but when I do, I pay attention.
Another stop at the desk and this time the OR nurse came out. She said it would be at least 2 more hours. I questioned her if our surgeon would be fit to perform another 4 1/2 hours of surgery with Afua and I felt a bit of hesitation as she said that he would do it after resting and getting a bite to eat.
Eric and I had strong, but opposing opinions on if we should continue. We decided to take a walk and discuss it in private. As we walked, nothing was said to validate one opinion more than another, but we both arrived at the same decision.
Just as I had felt the whispers throughout the morning, we knew this surgery was part of a bigger plan in Afua's life. To give her a hope and a future. But today was not the day that we would begin this journey. And this surgeon would not be the one to do it. We hated (strong word but true) walking away but we both knew it was 100% what we needed to do.
We informed the nurses that we would feed Afua and then go home. She offered to reschedule the surgery and we informed her that we would not be rescheduling. Too many things had happened with this surgeon's office that either caused us more worry (insurance issues to the last minute, rescheduling appointments and surgeries) or just didn't feel right in general. We also know that our area has many skilled surgeons and fresh start felt right. I know they felt badly for all that had happened and it felt a bit uncomfortable from that aspect too. We never asked to be treated differently and I felt there was a guilt over everyone to try to make us happy. Not my style, at all.
The saddest part to me came as we were gathering our things. One of the nurses said "you guys are the nicest people I have ever met. Most parents yell at us if their surgery is delayed even just a little". How could I not have compassion when another child is in the OR and having complications? There is a new plan for Afua and I believe the outcome will be even better.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. (Jeremiah 29:11-12 NLT)