How Josie captured our hearts

So often, I am asked why we are adopting Josie specifically or why we are adopting again in general. We have 5 children and they keep us busy. We have been through the adoption process twice and know how easy (or not) bringing a child home is. Eve, our youngest, has special needs and requires total care. I know all the questions have been from either curiosity or wanting to know the story, so I am not bothered. I am glad to share.

Almost a year ago, a friend sent me a picture from an adoption advocacy group and asked if we knew a family that would be open to adopting a little girl with special needs. She had a diagnosis of brain and spine tumors and currently she was paralyzed due to the tumors. She may never walk again so the family would need to be open to a wheelchair possibility. To our family, that would not be a barrier to adopting but at that time, we were not thinking about adoption. We were in a challenging season with Eve’s care and all our focus was directed to that. I prayed for this little one and passed her picture on to a friend who might be able to help.

I joined the advocacy group to see if there were any updates about this sweet little one and each time someone reviewed her file, I prayed. But her family had not found her yet. In total, she had waited for a year and each day, the tumors would grow and she would be alone. 

We finally reached a season where Eve’s care was easier and we had more resources for her long term care. I took some time to reflect and Eric and I spoke about if we would adopt again. I told him about a little girl who I had now known for 6 months and he said we should learn more. I didn’t waste any time and we learned about the seriousness of her medical condition. We prayed and felt at peace with the unknowns.

Then we found out her file was being reviewed by two homestudy ready families. We withdrew our application because they could get to Josie quicker. As much as we had fallen in love with her, we were willing to step back so she could be adopted sooner. It broke my heart and we hadn’t told no one.

A week later, we contacted another agency to talk about adopting from Josie’s country in general. They mentioned that they could ask if she had been indeed matched or if she was still waiting. There was no harm in asking and they sent an inquiry about her file. Turns out, neither of the interested families had chosen her so she was still available. We said an immediate YES to Josie and started the adoption process. 6 months of waiting, praying, saying yes, then walking away and then yes again. All this confirmed in our hearts that we were ready. For the unknowns and the hard times. And ready for the love and blessing that she will be. 

We are excited to partner with Reece’s Rainbow again to help with our adoption costs. If you have ever thought about adopting and are not sure how to make it happen, I welcome your questions. And Reece’s Rainbow is a great resource also to begin exploring adopting a child with special needs. 

Homestudy is done!

(originally written February 15th, 2016)

We have had a homestudy and a homestudy update done before. When we adopted from Ghana, we were able to get through the process quickly and smoothly. Our social worker warned us that a Hague homestudy would be more involved and it was. Add in some additional requirements of our home state and oh boy…this one was a lot of work. But we made it to the finish line and were approved. 

The home study was picked up this week and we are so glad! Now it’s off to fingerprinting and collecting our dossier to send to China. At each step, we are thankful to be on this journey again. I don’t take a single moment for granted as we know it will be all worth it. We have 5 amazing kids who are working alongside of us. They know the sacrifices and they know the rewards. Some have been on the other side of waiting and they are anxious to get their sister home. 

In China, a little girl does not know that we are coming. She has no idea how hard we are working to get to her. Next week we will consult with a local oncologist as well as link up with the adoption medicine clinic that will help us in the initial weeks after homecoming. As much as we are committed to Josie regardless of her health and prognosis, we want to be wise and plan her medical care as much as possible. We have an awesome tumor clinic in our town that people travel to from other states. We want them to know about her and hit the ground running when she comes home. 

Sweet Josie, we are coming! One day not too long from now, I will tell you the stories of how we made our way to you. 

How far does you love travel?

If you have nieces or nephews and there became a day that they needed a safe place to stay, would you open your home?

If your neighbor’s children needed temporary or permanent care, would your family extend kindness and love? How about a church member or someone you know about through friends?

I think most of us, if at all possible, would make room, pool resources, look at our budget and make it work if someone we knew had a need like this. And there are stories of families coming together after various tragedies and making the seemingly impossible situation work. I see that at my workplace where addiction and illness and brokenness of this world robs children of their parents and grandparents or aunts and uncles step in to bring stability and familiarity.

As I thought about the concept of family, I couldn’t help but wonder where is my limit when it comes to love? Once the neighbor becomes someone further away geographically, are we no longer as compassionate toward a child in need? Do we view different countries as not our problem, not our responsibility, or can we look at a child in a distant country with the same compassion and be moved to action? Where do we draw the line of compassion? How far does your love travel?

I have been in the realm of adoption long enough to know that it’s not as easy as seeing the need and opening our home. There are qualifications, home studies, finances to consider and some countries are not open to international adoption. I write a  lot about adoption ethics and in country solutions, but this post isn’t about that. This post is about a child who is waiting, today, for a family. A child that is most likely older or has a medical condition or is part of a sibling group. The 5% of children who are hardest to place for adoption. Is the problem so big that we experience compassion fatigue? Do we draw the line around United States and say it’s not our problem? Or do we roll our sleeves up and say “yes, I will be part of the solution, however big or small part is meant to be mine”.

Our family is going to do our small part  and adopt once again. We are excited and honored to welcome a new daughter into our family. Our love is traveling to China and back. She is almost 4 years old and has waited too long for a family. Her special needs are different from Eve’s but she does have a medical condition that is serious. She will likely use a wheelchair as Eve does, which is familiar to us. Our children are absolutely over the moon excited to welcome another sister into our family. They are busy picking names, fighting over room arrangements and looking at her pictures on my phone. I wish I could share her picture so you could see the sweet little one that has captured our hearts, but for now you will have to take my word for it.

We invite you to follow our journey here. If you have any questions or wonder how your family can extend extravagant love to others, you can always email me at joyfuljourney4me at gmail dot com  For some families it will look like adoption, for others it may be fostering or supporting adoptive families. Some may find their calling in family preservation and sponsorship. No matter what your thing is, take the first step.

Yes, we are adopting again!

I wanted to have a place where I can keep all our friends and family update on our adoption as it unfolds. We have been working on completing our homestudy over the last couple of months and now we are getting all documents to China. There is a little girl who doesn't know a family is coming for her yet, but we are working so hard to make it soon.

Stay tuned for a few posts that tells you what has happened so far in our journey.

The most powerful word

Sharing a post from last year that still applies to my life today....


Afua doesn't walk....yet

Afua isn't communicating with signs....yet

Afua is not drinking from a cup....yet

I find myself  using these phrases at doctor's appointments, school meetings, discussions with friends or relatives. I can't seem to say the first part, without adding the word yet. I wonder if my yet is viewed as a mom who is unhappy with the way things are or if they will truly understand my feelings behind using the word yet. 

 Right now, the word "yet" gives us power to hope for Afua's future. It gives us permission to say that we know more miracles are around the corner. That the hours she works so hard in therapy each week are for a purpose. And we hope that she will get to experience new things as a result of that hard work. 

Yet, if nothing changes, if nothing improves, if life tomorrow is exactly as the days before, she is loved just the same. Her performance is not a measure of her worth. 

So I guess this is really the heart of parenting a child with special needs. We live in the moment, we hope for the future and we constantly worry that our moments with our kids are cut short. Balancing all these feelings is 90% of my journey.

Sensory Fun for February

All kids benefit from sensory activities, but I've noticed that my children with trauma and special needs absolutely require them. Our play room is slowly transforming into a sensory friendly space with a swing, trampoline, wobble boards and activities for gross motor movement. We are also focusing on tactile sensory activities to do with our younger ones and I wanted to share our February project.

 

This is my favorite play dough recipe, it's safe for all my kids. Today, I added just a drop of food color (not needed if red dye does not agree with your child) and a dash of vanilla. My daughter thought it smelled like cupcakes.

top: with glitter, pink created with 4 drops of red food color, purple was 6 drops of red, 3 drops of blue

Some of these things I picked up at our Target dollar spot, others at a local craft store. Just make sure the items you choose are age appropriate and don't pose a choking hazard.

cookie cutters, pom poms, heart shaped pony beads and spikey balls

We used our dough today to make cookies. Rolling dough is a great "heavy work" sensory activity.

Even our boys got in on the action, this recipe makes lots of dough for all.

the spikey balls made fun designs on cookies

This was a great sensory activity. Kneading and rolling dough, using cookie cutters, various textured "toppings" and the smell of vanilla dough kept my kids busy for an hour. Perfect for a cold, snowy day. 

Orphanage

Oh, how I hate the word orphanage.  I hate what they do to children. I often say "children belong in families, not orphanages" and it's more than just a cliche to me.

Raising a child who lived in an institution, an orphanage, lets you in on the devastating truth about what that life does to a child. The effects are long lasting and they are heart breaking. That is why I advocate for children and want orphanages emptied out.

When Afua first joined our family, I could place her in the middle of a large room and she would only move the area equivalent to her crib. She didn't know a world larger  than that existed. She didn't know about toys, music, about tickles or a brother's love. After a short amount of time, she was tired and wanted to be alone.

discovering toys

She wouldn't cry, because in an institution crying does not amount to positive attention, only punishment. Institutionalized children feel little pain, they can shut off their world to block out feelings and they stop experiencing reality. Some rock, some bang their heads, some cause harm to their bodies. That is familiar and that brings comfort. Mother's arms feel scary and unknown. 

It's hard to describe the orphanage experience without exposing what my children went through. And it's just as hard to think other children are living that reality every day.  My children are brave, resilient survivors of a life that no child should endure.

This is why I advocate. Because I went, I saw and I experienced the after effects with my children. I know more children need families. The ones who are hidden in cribs, need voices to share that they exist.Because a picture of a child that is malnourished, neglected, disabled is hard to see. And it's sometimes scary to say "yes" to the unknowns that it brings. But on the other side, a family can be a game changer.

And this can be the result:

experiencing childhood joys