A year ago

Edited to add: I have received emails asking if there were any ethical concerns with our adoption based on this day's events. To clarify, the US Embassy did not suspect that we submitted fraudulent documents. Ultimately all our documents were verified as authentic and we were closely involved in obtaining them. But there had been cases before us with falsified documents and that is why there is an increased concerns with certain adoption professionals. 

365 days ago, I was in Ghana waking up before the sunrise. It was the day of our visa exit interview and by all indications it should have been a day of celebration. Afua had her passport, we had jumped though all the right hoops and all we needed was her visa printed on the passport.

I approached her orphanage with my friend who drove me there. The staff was not in the office so we waited for our power of attorney (POA) to arrive. Once he arrived, he called for someone to get Afua dressed. I had to fill out paperwork promising to bring her back and they sent an auntie with us (as a security guard I guess). I was running out of grace with the orphanage and the way they treated me, but I put on a happy face and scooped my girl up.

Afua sitting with our dear friend

We got to the US Embassy gate and the line wrapped around the building. Along with hearing adoptive cases, this day they also had visa interviews for Ghanaians hoping to come to the US for various reasons. The problem was that I was holding a 30 lb sick child who couldn't as much as hold her head up and the line was going to be looooong. 

I was told I could give money to the security guard to use his chair but I gave my POA a glance that indicated that I would rather stand than pay a bribe. Sorry, the Finnish stubborn side of me rose up as I saw a healthy security guard sit in his plastic chair as he watched me carry and hold a sick girl right next to him....grace...grace...I kept telling myself that over and over again.

Finally another security guard approached me and asked me why I was there. He let me in the Embassy so we could sit. My arms were numb and shaking and I'm not sure how much longer I could have held her. 

Once inside, we dropped off documents at the window for our visa exit interview. I was not aware but our POA submitted a document I had not seen before which would prove to cause a lot of confusion for our case.

As we sat and waited, Afua became increasingly distressed. The auntie sent by the orphanage couldn't tell me anything as she didn't usually care for her. Before long, Afua vomited all over herself, my dress and the chair next to us. The crowded sitting room cleared around us, no one wanted to ruin their clothes:) I don't blame them.

Finally I heard my name called. By the time I approached the window, my POA was already there. They seemed to have a spirited discussion about a previous case and finally the attention turned to me and Afua.

The embassy wanted to verify all documents in our case as there had been fraudulent documents presented previously. Also, the one document our POA submitted had a different age for Afua which raised additional concerns. It was this inattention to detail that was now causing a wait in our case. 

I was devastated to hear that we were not getting a visa that day but we would have to wait until the embassy would call me with their decision. They knew Afua was sick (they could see it as she seized in front of them) and it seemed they would proceed quickly.

365 days ago was a day that ended in many tears. Friends called, texted and messaged encouraging words and truths. Eric and I made long term plans for me to stay in Ghana. And once again, I returned my girl to the orphanage where she would lay in her crib. 

But the story doesn't end here...however devastating that day was, there was a happy ending. You can read about our last days in Ghana HERE...

My final 6 days in Ghana

When I came home from Ghana last July, I thought that I would post my travel journal here. But as I began to do so, it was stressful to relive everything that happened. Visiting my daughter in an orphanage that was secretive and hostile, seeing corruption, experiencing government red tape and realizing how much I had changed in the process, I needed time.

There is a wonderful story that I want to share though, something that I can only describe as a miracle that happened over the last 6 days in Ghana. Anyone who has been to Ghana or another similar culture knows that things move slowly in government offices. Painfully slowly. An official may suffer from "head pains" or be tired and they require rest at home. Or you may be told to come back "tomorrow" and it ends up being another week before a document is ready. Or when describing a location they say it's "not too far" and you end up driving for several hours.  It's part of the culture and in general I love it, but not so much when trying to make progress in an adoption urgently. So with that in mind, the last 6 day in Ghana was full of miracles and full of God's favor. I hope this story encourages anyone who finds themselves waiting, in a tough spot or feeling like they can't see a wait out of a impossible situation. Because for us, these 6 days were full of miracles and the impossible became possible.

Day 1: Thursday

Eric and I made the painful decision that I would come home next week. Only flight out is on Tuesday due to Ramadan and it being July, the busiest travel month.  Airfare is so expensive and most flights have layovers in weirdest places. We don't have enough money for him to fly to Ghana as we had hoped so I will either come home alone or with Afua. Neither choice is what we really wanted but it's been 5 weeks and my family needs me home. Afua doesn't have a corrected passport yet. Off to the passport office to check on it once again.

~~~~~

Back from the passport office. No passport and the supervisor moved our file as far as she could. Maybe tomorrow it's ready. I got a message from a family who needs their daughter "little Z" escorted home. I explained our situation but didn't know if I could escort her home if I had Afua with me. We are still talking how to make this work as this little one has urgent medical needs and needs to come home. I really want to help them as I know the worry of a sick child across the Atlantic. Their visa is ready tomorrow. I wish Eric was here.

 one of our many visits over 5+ weeks

Day 2: Friday

Another frustrating day at the passport office. Our poa's assistant told us he was at the office but he was nowhere to be found when we arrived.  I called him and insisted to see him or I would find the file alone. I'm not usually this pushy, but days are running out and I need to make a daily appearance at the office so they know how urgently we need Afua home. She has lost weight daily, she has infections that are not treated and the seizures scare me. We went inside the passport office and I pleaded my case once again. They tried to work on it but because our passport was a re-do it required supervisor intervention every step of the way. Otherwise I could be accused of child trafficking and be arrested. The office closed and I had no passport once again. My flight is booked for Tuesday and time is running out. Starting to get ready to come home without Afua.

~~~

Eric calls and says he spoke with the family who needs an escort and they were prepared to pay for the escort's ticket. He is able to come to Ghana afterall and we get to escort little Z home! His only flight option is tonight so he worked 2 hours, went home to pack and 2 hours later is on his way to the airport. What????? I get to see my hubby after 5 weeks! And he will be here as we go home either with 2 girls or 1 girl. PTL!!!!!

 my key chain at the guest house...looked at this and believed I would be home soon

Day 3: Saturday

Passport office is closed. Went shopping for tomorrow's baby naming ceremony. There is excitement in the air. This could be a wonderful miracle in the making or yet another road block. Either way Eric will be here and we can get through it together. It's easier to be on the other side of a miracle and say "wow, look what God has done for us". It's another thing to be in the midst of it and wonder if you are really doing what you are supposed to do or if you end up looking like a fool for all these leaps of faith. I would prefer to have a cool story to tell :)

~~~

Eric's flight was canceled. Instead of arriving tonight he will be here Sunday night. Ugh. Come on!!!!

one of Esther's delicious dinners

Day 4: Sunday

Baby naming day. Patrick's baby was named Erica, after Eric. What an honor to see it and be present at the ceremony. We love this girl so much and want the best for her. After seeing so much sadness it's nice to be with a family that is happy and together. After the celebration we will go to the airport to get Eric. We have kept his arrival a surprise from our Ghana family so tomorrow should be great. The funniest part of the baby naming day was that I was introduced as the wife of the "obruni at the wedding". Eric was a chairman at Patrick and Esther's wedding and the only "obruni" (white person) so everyone remembered him. Now I am the wife of the obruni. LOL.

 baby naming day for Erica

Day 5: Monday

Eric is here!!!! Seriously I'm like a teenager with my first boyfriend. So good to see him and have him be my rock.  Tired of fighting this fight alone. We went to the passport office at 7 am and by 8:30 Afua's passport was printed! Miracle #1!!!!! We raced to the Embassy only to be turned away. They said to come back in the afternoon. We still need a visa in her passport and our flight leaves in 24 hours. They need 24 hours to print the visa on the passport. Cutting it close.

~~~~

Couple of hours spent getting lunch, shopping and waiting nervously, we were back at the Embassy. Spoke with our consular who did our visa interview. She apologized for being turned away, it was a mistake. Ugh. We now have 16 hours to get the visa, get custody of Afua and head to the airport. She promised our visa in 16 hours!!! Miracle #2!!!! Made arrangements to get little Z from her region to us. We will meet early tomorrow morning before going to the Embassy. It will give us a few hours in case her transportation is late. Miracle #3!!! Could we really be going home with BOTH girls????  Went to visit Afua at her orphanage. Daddy and daughter seeing each other after 5 months apart, it was precious.

their last goodbye...tomorrow it would be time to go home

~~~~

Went to surprise our Ghana family with Eric's arrival. It was a wonderful surprise and we were able to tell them about 3 miracles in one day!!! 

SURPRISE!!! Eric came after all.

Day 6: Tuesday

Today we have no wiggle room in the schedule. First, we will meet our POA who gives us custody of little Z, who we are escorting home. We will do it near the embassy and then take her with us to the embassy to pick up Afuas passport and visa. Then we have to drive to Afua's orphanage to finally get custody. They have not let me take her out of the orphanage so things have to go perfectly there too. Our POA spoke to them yesterday, but we have not filled out any papers yet. Then it's off to the airport and fly into our happily ever after. Can we really pull this off? 

9:00am 

We met with our POA and little "Z" and her foster mom. They were having breakfast near the Embassy. The foster mom was visibly upset and it was evident she has loved Z. She showed me how to give her seizure medication, how to fix her bottle and she gave me food and a bottle. Phase 1 went smoothly...almost. About 20 min after they left we realized we were not given Z's passport. We called them to come back and we were given a bag of documents for Z. Good thing we checked. Ok, phase 1 compete.

 Little Z and her foster family. She was loved by them.

Next we lined up at the Embassy. This time our name was on the list, we walked right in and to the window. Our consular was not there, but we received Afua's passport with her visa securely attached.We were in and out in 15 minutes. Phase 2 completed.

Our driver was picking up our Ghana family as they wanted to see Afua leave her orphanage forever. We sat under a tree near the Embassy, called Z's family to let them know we had custody of her. We got to know Z better and I realized how stiff her body was and she was having seizures.

Next we went to get Afua. We pulled up to the orphanage and told them we had her visa and would be leaving today. They asked if I had clothes for her. I did in my suitcase but asked that they would dress her one more time. After some grumbling one of the aunties brought her out and no one acknowledged that we were leaving . We had signed all papers and that seemed to be the only worry. We saw Afua's file. Her last two years there contained 3 sheets of paper. No medical records, no history, just three pages of administrative records. Phase 3 was complete and I cried as we left the orphanage gates behind us. Forever.

 no more orphanage life, Comfort held her as we exited the orphanage gates

We grabbed some pizza and we actually had time to spare. Miracle after miracle has occurred and I was overwhelmed. 5+ weeks in Ghana was coming to an end. Daily battle, pressure, worry, anxiety and fear was releasing and now it was time for goodbyes. Lucy and I cried as we looked at each other. No words were needed. We knew the experiences we had together and what she had meant to me and Afua. Lucy and Comfort visited Afua faithfully while we waited and they reported back as her health declined.

Lucy and Afua. Their bond is undeniable. 

Finally, it was time to change the girls, feed them and head to the airport. The next 24 hours would undoubtedly be exhausting but we would be together. Afua would be home and that would be worth all that we would endure. Eric and I gave each other a glance that held so much meaning: this is the moment we had been fighting for. 

24 hours later, we were home

This is a video of Afua leaving her orphanage. I think auntie Comfort was just as happy as we were for Afua  to start a new life in a family. (the video does not seem to show in all devices, sorry)

I have some news to share...

Over the last couple of weeks I have felt an unrest. It's difficult to describe any other way than that I felt like I needed to get my house in order. Get ready for THE trip. Get supplies etc. But everything around me said the adoption wasn't nearly to its conclusion as we don't have Afua's passport yet. And without that passport, we can't do the last 2 steps of her adoption. Still, I felt the need to get ready.

As I received concerning news and things seem to stall around us, Eric and I made a decision after much thought and prayer that I will be going to Ghana. One way ticket. Until she comes home.

Afua and Comfort doing their exercises

The decision is one we have complete peace about and we are mindful of the sacrifice of that decision. Emotionally and financially our entire family is sacrificing to bring Afua home. Our children were ok with that, because they know we would do the same for each of them. And they want their sister home before it's too late. Her health is in a delicate balance and we want to be sure we are not taking that for granted.

So I will leave next week and stay until we both come home. 

Adoption Grants Part 1

Adoption grants are one way to help with adoption costs. During our two adoptions, we have applied and qualified for adoption grants of various sizes. I have been so grateful that people have shared their knowledge of grants with us, and I thought I would "pay it forward". I also spoke with a  board member of a grant giving organization who chose us for a grant and it gave me some insight on what the organizations may be looking for.

Some tips when filling out the grant applications:

1. Be yourself
Really, the organizations, especially the smaller ones want to get to know you. Even though the application may be a "fill the blanks" type, there will always be a way to personalize it. Include your family picture, or if there are open ended questions, tell them your adoption story. Even if you have just finished your home study, you have a story. If they choose you for a grant, they will likely want to tell your story to their supporters. Just be yourself and let them see who your family is.

2. Include everything they ask for
A major reason for turning down an application right away, is due to missing documents. There is a reason why they ask for specific things and either have everything ready, or wait until you do. When an organization receives more applications than they can give grants to, this becomes the easiest way to thin down the pile.  If there is a major reason why you don't have a document to share with them, you could always explain (may or may not work) but at least acknowledge this with them. Also fill in every box in the application, double check this before you send it.

3. Focus on grants for your circumstances
Many grants have religious preferences. Don't apply unless you fit their criteria. Some grants have a domestic adoption focus, special needs adoption focus, older child focus, sibling group focus, Asia focus etc.  Some grant organizations post statistics on who received their grant, read those and see if you might fall into that category. Start your process by focusing on the ones that fit your circumstances the best, and then by all means apply for the others.

4. Make a goal for yourself
It's easy to look at the number of applications and get overwhelmed. I tend to do my applications in small batches. Like 2-3 at a time. However long you want to give yourself to get them done, make a goal and stick with it. Keep copies of all documents, some you may need multiple times. Ask for general reference letters from 3-4 people. Speak with your pastor, he or she will need to get involved with some grants.

5.  Don't focus on the "biggies" only
There are a handful of well known grant organizations that provide big grants for adoptive families. They receive many applications and are only able to help a select a limited number of families. It's a huge blessing to be one of the select few. But there are many smaller non-profits that also offer grants and the odds of being selected are in your favor. It may take a bit more work to find them, but so worth it if you are a recipient.

6. Follow up
This is huge!!!!!! I can't emphasize this enough. If a grant says they will review applications in a certain time frame and you don't hear from them, don't assume you have not been selected. One grant we applied for, I knew that their timeline for reviews had passed and I emailed them for follow up. It lead to a string of emails and ultimately grant approval. Had I assumed this was a denial, I would have missed out on a grant. Many organizations are small and things happen. One particular grant started out smaller, but they received unexpected donations and it ended up doubling in value. So please, don't only focus on the "biggies", the small ones are just as important.

7. Gratitude
When you receive a grant, make sure you keep them updated on your progress. Some grants depend on your story to be able to raise funds for future grants. Let them know when your child is home, send them pictures and thank yous. This will help future families and keep the grants going. And once you are in a financial position to do so, pay it forward by sending a donation to them. Another adoptive family will be blessed by you paying it forward.


Please post any tips you may have in the comments, I am sure others will have wisdom to share.

Part 2 will talk about actual grant organizations....

Uncertainty

It has been a tough couple of days. Really, weeks. It started out as vague rumors. Then more information was coming in from reliable sources. And now the Ghana adoption community awaits. There may be changes coming. Changes that will put many orphaned children and adoptive families in limbo. Not know exactly what is happening is worse than having all the information.

We have passed court with Afua. Legally she is our daughter and it should mean that at most this might delay or slow down our process. But it shouldn't prevent our sweet girl from joining our family. But of course we don't know.

All we can do is pray, which is the best thing to do anyway. Adoption journeys are filled with moments where we must relinquish control and operate on faith. This is one of those times.

Home Again

Eric is home from Ghana and we have both been processing a lot since then. It always seems to happen this way, the 5 trips we have taken there always produce a re-evaluation of some sort. The obvious is the way we live, the way we consume and our materialistic culture. When water and propane are scarce as it was in Ghana, our life seems excessive. Too much stuff, too much focus on stuff and too much time spent wanting stuff. Coming home feels overwhelming and there is always a need to purge and live more simply. Not a bad thing entirely

Patrick and Afua

Of course the big highlight for the trip was time spent with Afua at her orphanage. Our biggest hope was that we as her parent, Eric would be able to move her to a foster home, a smaller setting with individualized attention. We did what we could to make it happen, but in the end, she will stay at the orphanage for now. They did allow our dear friend to come and visit Afua in our absence. Knowing that someone will check on her, sing to her, pray over her and snuggle with her does this Momma's heart good.

Everyone saying goodbye to Afua

Eric visited Afua daily for a couple of hours and the rest of the time he spent helping out at the   Fern House. There were some practical needs such as getting propane tanks filled (not as easy as our quick run to the gas station), taking donations and visiting a client at her home. Other tasks included looking at potential future properties, vehicle needs and getting to know all the wonderful people at the Fern House. Eric's days were long but fun filled as he checked things off the to do list. 

Looking for new properties for Fern House

I have to share the neatest story from Eric's trip. Patrick (the gentleman in the first picture) and his wife Esther are expecting their first child in April. Eric was the chairman at Patrick's wedding just over a year ago and he usually drives us to places while in Ghana. We consider him a trusted friend and Eric was excited to spend time with him while running errands in Ghana. Both Patrick and Esther's families live far from Accra  and as Esther's due date has been approaching, they were getting worried about how they will manage. Giving birth in Ghana is very different from here as child and maternal mortality rates are high as well as the access to medical care is challenging.

Esther "practicing" with on of the Fern House babies

As Patrick was helping Eric during the week, he learned that the Fern House helps pregnant women in a crisis situation and he witnessed the great work done there. He offered to help them transport things and be a resource if needed. At the same time, Comfort who runs the Fern House (who is a midwife), learned of Esther's pregnancy and wanted to see how she could help the young couple.

Comfort and Esther

Turns out Esther's baby is breech and one evening, the ladies spent time teaching Esther how to encourage the baby to turn. They poured in so much wisdom and loving care into this young couple and offered them hope as her pregnancy was nearing the end. Now they have a place to turn to, a new hope that wasn't there just a week before. Esther was planning to travel 6 hours away from the city to be with her family in a small village. Having Comfort to seek advice from will be a safer option for mother and baby. In a week's time a worry surrounding this pregnancy is now replaced with great joy. I love it!

From My Travel Journal: Travel Home

By the time this week was over, I missed my 3 little ones at home. Skype calls are wonderful but no substitute for hugs and kisses. According to Eric, everything had been going smoothly but he was ready for me to return too. We are a family that spends most of our evenings and weekends together so when we are on two continents, it just isn't the same.

Leaving this airport is never easy or uncomplicated. This is our family's 4th time and each time it has been different. There is a line to inspect luggage, then there is a line to weigh the luggage, then there is a line to check passports and then finally you can check in at the counter. Each step they give you various papers to hold and I am always confused what to give to each person.

Somehow we managed to get through the entire process and we had a couple of hours to spare. Emmi once again proved to be the best travel partner. She loves the ENTIRE process, hanging out at airports, browsing through shops, even jet lag. She takes it all in and her joy is contagious.

I have to be honest here and say that I had been holding back tears and emotions. It has been too much to process. I know I will analyze it all later, but for now I am glad for the peace in my heart.

We landed in Amsterdam (or as Joy says "hamster dance") early in the morning. I rushed to Starbucks and sipped on my latte while Emmi got McDonalds. It was something like 6am but they had quarter pounders and fries ready made. She was a happy girl! Then we got a slice of Dutch apple pie, yumm!!! As I was sitting, I thought "I have one daughter in Africa, I am sitting with one in Europe and I have 3 children in North America". How can a mothers heart be split between 3 continents? At that moment mine was and the piece at I left in Africa was the toughest one. Eric was taking great care of e little ones, Emmi was with me, but little "A" had no one.

All our flights were smooth and uneventful. Last one was a shorty at 45 minutes and finally we were home. I rushed into my husbands arms and finally felt like I could cry. He is my rock and I know I could just lean on him. I was home. And hopefully soon, little "A" would be home too.

The best news ever!!!

This morning, I got the best news ever!!! Little "A" is now officially our daughter!!! It was totally unexpected and highly unlikely to happen this year. But as adoptions are often unpredictable, this time the surprise was a pleasant one! A kind judge agreed that she would be perfect addition to our family.

I am now able to share her beautiful picture with the world and will do so in future blog posts as I share about our trip. But here is one of my favorites, it shows her sweetness that I saw all week.

Isn't she just sweet? Oh, how I miss my baby girl.

Adoption progress

This weekend we met with our dear social worker to update our home study. The timing of our second adoption warranted only an update (=less paperwork and running around gathering signatures) and we didn't need to do a whole new home study. I remember being so nervous the first time around, I organized every closet and alphabetized our spice cabinet in anticipation of her visit. Well, she is like a family member now and I tidied up quickly hoping that would be enough. We discussed adopting a child with special needs, how Kofi and Joy are adjusting and how Emmi and Jake are doing. It was such a nice conversations and she offered great advice on our current questions about all our children.

Once she has a chance to type up the update, we are almost done with our dossier. Eric and I are getting our fingerprints done next week for our i600a. We are looking at our first trip and we think it will happen soon!

I know this will pick up pace soon, but right now it seems that things are moving slowly. I received a picture of our little girl today and my heart just aches for her. I want her to know she is loved and she will be the perfect addition to our family. Soon...

-Jenni